Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize