I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
