WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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