i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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