My room smells like vodka and shame
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize