Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
