Im at strip club and am horny
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
