Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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