She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
