Just fell off a train. Bad.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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