Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
