i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
