me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
