there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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