you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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