i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I look better un-naked...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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