Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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