Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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