I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
