unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I intend to get homeless drunk
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize