i jhust puked up my retainher.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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