u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
