Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
