Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
