I cockslap morals
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
