Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
