At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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