I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
