I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
