Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The Olympian is in my bed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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