Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
