Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
