He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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