Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
