I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
