this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
