happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
