oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
