I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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