people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
