Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
