Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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