this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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