Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
