The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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