I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
