I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
