I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Randomize
