Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
