last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
