So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
