Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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