I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
