Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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