we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
