Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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