True but thats because hes a fetus.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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