the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
