sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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