I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
