i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize