remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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