btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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