If that was your dad, he is hot
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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