I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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