And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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