"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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