taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize