just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
