im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
