I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How external is "for external use only"?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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