The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
