david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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