In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize