doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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