I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
