so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
