was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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