So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
