I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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