So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
