He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
