she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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