so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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