in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
