It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
