hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is the high leading the old right now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
