Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize